Bitterness and Nostalgia: The Art of Letting Go

Bitterness and nostalgia are both filters through which we see the past. Reality was neither as harsh nor as lovely; memories are the fiction of our own creation.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

To those I may have harmed, I apologize, rest assured it was unintentional.

To those who have harmed me, I forgive you, even if it was your intent.

Effective Peer Reviews

“So what do you think?”

What a loaded question. It can be the most effective tool in the pursuit of publication, or it can be the beginning of bitter contention. It all depends on the readiness of the writer asking the question, and the ability of the critic to assess that level of readiness. I’ve learned this from personal experience.

I’ve enjoyed work shopping material with fellow writers on a couple of online communities. I believe the critical feedback I receive is absolutely essential to my future as a published author. I even credit it with the honorable mention I received in a recent writing competition. But, challenging an artist without offending can be tricky.

I have been criticized for being both too extensive and too vague. This has taught me to spend as much time assessing the readiness of the writer, as I do analyzing their work. Only a few months ago, I inadvertently offended another writer with a critique that was intended to challenge the author’s literary technique. However, when the author retaliated on a personal level, it became obvious that I had underestimated his readiness to receive such extensive feedback.

Overcompensating, my critiques became brief and somewhat vague. I became more concerned with the ego behind the writing than the writing itself. That is, until just a couple of days ago when a fellow writer reminded me that this minimalist approach was of no use. He advised me to address issues in greater detail and sight specific examples. After clarifying his expectations, I was able to reassess his ability to receive a thorough review.

So, how can you determine an author’s readiness level? First, see if you can locate any of her critical feedback. How they review others is a good indication of her ability to analyze literature and her ability give and receive constructive criticism. What is the general atmosphere of the writing community she most participates in? This is where she feels comfortable and successful. This will give you an indication of the kind of feedback she is accustomed to. Finally, assess her motivation. You can do this directly, before supplying your critique. Ask her what they hope to achieve from the critique? What is her ultimate goal as a writer? Does she have any particular concerns about the piece you will be reviewing? If you receive vague answers, it’s probably an indication of a low readiness level.

It’s also a good idea to come up with a feedback form that will allow you to give specific, consistent feedback. I found this one for creative writing on the University of Hawaii website:

Paraphrase the plot of the story in one or two sentences.

Paraphrase the theme of the piece in one or two sentences.

Describe the narrator’s point of view. Is the point of view consistent? If not, where and how does it shift?

Describe the tone of the piece. Is the tone consistent? If not, point out where it wavers.

Are the characters believable? Why or why not?

What more would you like to know about the characters?

Were there any parts of the story that were confusing or unclear?

If the writer uses dialogue, is it clear who is speaking? Does the writer describe how the speaker says the dialogue?

Has the writer dramatized rather than summarized the experiences in the story?

What parts of the piece are most vivid for you?

What questions did you have when you finished reading the piece?

Anything else?

At Zoetrope.com a sample review for poetry utilized this format:

Overall Quality:

Originality:

Communication of Theme:

Structure:

Diction (well-chosen words):

Imagery (type/structure):

Use and function of Sound repetition:

These are merely examples, of course. You can develop your own based on the goal of your peer reviews. I recommend sharing your evaluation form with your peers when you first begin working togather. This will give the author a clear idea of what you will be assessing and prepare him for the extent of your feedback. (The author’s reaction to your form may also cause you to re-evaluate his readiness level.)

By evaluating both the writer and their work objectively, you will have a better chance of developing productive peer review relationships, while avoiding the backlash of accidentally bruising someone’s ego.

The Ideal Length for Your Book

Are you eager to write your first book? Trying to figure out how long it should be? Do you think page count is irrelevant? Think again. In the publishing business, size does matter!

Many publishers have very strict length requirements. Writing a historical romance? It better be between 100,000 to 125,000 words if you want it published by Avon Books. Are you writing a mystery? Well, don’t be long winded about it. Most mystery novels run between 60,000 and 65,000 words.

I know, I know. Many of you are bristling at the idea of meeting word length requirements. You may have romantic visions of writing the next Ulysses. What about challenging the status quo and writing literature for literature’s sake? Well, of course I would never discourage anyone from such a lofty goal, but I will make one suggestion—keep your day job.

If you want to be a published author, it’s important to be aware of industry expectations. But where do these expectations come from? I wondered the same thing until I read The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing by Evan Marshall. Marshall, president of the Evan Marshall Agency, explains the logic behind these quotas in the chapter “Getting Off to the Right Start.”

According to Marshall, a number of factors determine the ideal book length, and most of them are economic. From a manufacturing standpoint, books need to meet cost effective length requirements in order to be profitable. From a marketing standpoint, paperbacks need to meet certain length requirements in order to fit a predetermined number in one of those bookstore shelf pockets. Book size even determines how many books will fit in a shipping carton. And then there are consumer expectations. Readers are accustomed to certain types of books being of a certain length. Satisfying the reader’s expectations means your book has a better chance of making it off the shelf.

So how do you determine which length is suitable for your book? Well, Marshall suggests tracking down the publisher’s tip sheet. To do this, you must first classify your novels genre, and then determine which publishers specialize in those genres. Not all publishers have tip sheets, however, so Marshall gives this alternate approach. Find five or six books within your books genre, and then follow this simple formula:

Book pages x lines on a full page x 9 = number of words

Using the average of these five or six books, you will come up with a rough estimate of how long your book should be. I know, it’s not very romantic, but it is practical. Getting published is challenging enough without sabotaging yourself. If you’re serious about being a published author, find out what the publishers are looking for and stack the deck in your favor.

Writing Better Dialogue

In our media saturated world of sound bites and reality television, many writers fall into the habit of creating dialogue heavy fiction. Although dialogue is an essential component of any great novel, it has to be done well.

Dialogue that is not integrated into the story will sound more like a bad screenplay than a novel. This lesson hit home while revising the first draft of my own novel. My dialogue ping ponged back and forth between phantom talking heads. But as a friend recently told me, “It’s not the ability to write that makes a great writer, but the ability to edit.” If this is true (and I’m inclined to believe so), having the right resources can make a huge difference.

So in the spirit of our creative community, here’s one little resource on constructing convincing dialogue.  Author Nina Munteanu has compiled a few tips in her an article “He said, She Said: Using Dialogue.” Featured on the website for her upcoming novel Darwin’s Paradox, this bulleted list contains some great tidbits on how to utilize dialogue to maximum effect. Remember, it’s important for dialogue to feel like an authentic conversation in a natural setting. If you’re struggling to achieve this, you may find Ms. Munteanu’s article as useful as I have.

I’m always on the lookout for new tools for my writing kit, so feel free to share any appropriate links in the comment section. (Please be advised that multiple links may activate the spam filter, so its best to share one at a time.)

“I can’t wait to hear from you,” she said with a smile and a tip of her coffee cup. 

Selling Your College Research Papers

College students need all the financial help they can get. I remember working three part-time jobs while juggling five or six classes each semester. Even with financial aid, it can be a hand to mouth existence. Every little bit can help. So today, I thought I would pass on a little tidbit; you can sell those graded college essays online.

The social media group Associated Content, will purchase your old college essays for an upfront payment of four dollars plus a performance bonus based on the number of hits your work receives. I know, four dollars is not much in the world of professional writing, but it’s better than the zero dollars you make when you purge your files at the end of each semester. As an English major, taking five to six classes a semester, writing a total of ten to eighteen essays, I could have made $40 - $72 dollars in upfront payments. And with new freshman enrolling every year, your college essays will never go out of style. That allows your performance bonus to steadily accumulate every semester.

Ethics of Selling College Papers Online

I admit, when I first began posting my college essays, I was deeply concerned about my responsibility to the academic community. Plagiarism is a serious issue on college campuses. Was I enabling this behaving by posting complete essays on-line? Not really. Professors have gotten pretty hip to technology, and technology has gotten pretty hip to the needs of professors. There are a number of programs designed to help track plagiarism, and quite frankly, if a student Googles a paper topic, their professor can, too.

The second issue is student research. Anyone can publish anything online. Although Associated Content has an editorial process that does not necessarily mean their research papers undergo any fact checking. Students should be very cautious about citing online sources. Check the credentials of the individual posting the content. If it’s an online journal, find out all you can about the review process. Articles printed in traditional academic journals undergo an extensive review processes to ensure the quality of the research and writing.

Benefits of Posting College Papers Online

That does not mean college essays have no place online. They can be a great starting point. Reading essays by other students can help you see a work from a different perspective. It may lead you down new roads of research. It may help stimulate classroom discussion as students bring more to the conversation. And for the students selling essays, it may buy another can of instant coffee for those all-nighters.

For, this reason, I will be removing the submission page from my website. It was originally designed to allow students to proudly post their work on feminist literature. I highly recommend selling them to Associated Content instead. You will still see the link page to essays I have published online, but many of them will now take you to my Associated Content page (hey graduate students need instant coffee, too). May you have another successful semester.

Interview with Award Winning Author Jane Porter

Jane Porter is an award winning author, publishing both Classic Romance and Modern Lit, and has more than 4 million books in print. With a Bachelor’s degree from UCLA and a Master’s degree from the University of San Francisco, Porter delivers more than just romantic escapism. But don’t be fooled by the pedigree. Just because her writing provides a little literary substance, doesn’t mean it can’t have a happy ending. jane Porter is the girl next door, and she likes to write that way. Her ability to craft a book with both style and substance is probably why her novel Flirting with Forty has gone through seven reprints and was optioned by Sony.

Her new book, Odd Mom Out features Marta Zinsser, a hardworking single mom who finds her New York independence doesn’t really mesh with the social politics of her new upscale neighbors. (See yesterdays post for a full review.) We have the good fortune of having Ms. Porter with us today, and she’s going to answer a few questions about her new novel and the writing process in general.

Marta Zinsser is very proud of her nonconformity and reluctant to change, while her daughter quickly begins to identify with suburban ideals of Bellevue. Would you attribute this mother daughter conflict to culture shock and the ability of children to adapt faster than adults, or is it just a child’s rebellious impulse?

While I think environment plays a part in socializing children, I believe without a doubt babies come out of the womb uniquely hardwired. My two boys are 3 and a half year apart and they look quite similar and yet their personalities are very different. Eva–like her mother before her–walks to the beat of her own drum. She just happens to crave a different world than the one her mother craved, and maybe it is rebelliousness, but its also a desire for that which she doesn’t know. The traditional family is so appealing to Eva because its the world she’s never known. Marta grew up in a traditional family with a traditional stay at home mom. Marta found it stifling as a child and she was determined to give her daughter a more creative childhood, one with different opportunities and yet Eva takes the freedom and creativity for granted. It’s her norm. Her norm isn’t mom and dad and siblings around the dinner table so suburbia appeals to her. Suburban moms seem like the ideal mom to her but as she discovers in the book, there’s no one right way of doing things. There’s no right way to be a mom, either.

All of the characters in this book are very image conscious in one way or another, at the same time nobody escapes the prejudice associated with the image they have chosen for themselves. Is this an irony you have observed in life or do you simply like playing the devil’s advocate?

Both! I was a funny looking little girl. I was an Eva growing up. Legally blind by third grade, I wore thick glasses until high school. I wore braces for two years s in middle school. Had some problems with acne. I didn’t grow up knowing how to style my hair so it was always really short, an unflattering Dorothy Hamill haircut and frankly, I was a bookworm, an eager beaver student who always knew the answer. I tried too hard to be liked. Like Eva, I did everything I could to try to impress people but that only made others laugh at me and it wasn’t until I was a jr high school teacher myself I realized that kids are just kids, and for some reason kids have to be cruel to the children they don’t understand. Those years of being unattractive and unpopular made a lasting impression and by the time I hit UCLA I took what I’d learned in theater to create a new character named Jane Porter. I reinvented myself with contacts and long hair and confidence–even if I was just faking it. Because I looked different and pretended to be confident, people perceived me differently and treated me differently. I became one of the pretty UCLA coeds and yet I was still the same person just with a different outside packaging.

I find it ironic that at 43 that I’m more or less the same person I was at 13. I still try too hard. I still dream too big. I still want to please. But now I’m accepted, even admired. And part of it is because of how I look, and I know it. I even work it. I’ve taken the sixteen years of being an outsider, of being funny looking Jane, and channel the hurt and hope and need into my characters, my children, my ambition. Image can be powerful. I’m not saying I like it but I’m saying I get it. And maybe that’s why I include image issues in my books because we’re not going to make the image issue go away so let’s at least be aware of the game that’s being played around us…with or without our participation. Life isn’t about being pretty, but life does require self-esteem.

The question of what it means to be a successful woman is one of the underlying themes in the book. Why do you think this is such a hard thing for women to define?

Women by and large are perfectionists. We expect so much from ourselves, and we end up accomplishing so much, that many of us end up just setting the bar higher and higher so that we never really feel successful. Instead we always feel like we’re struggling, striving, which can be incredibly exhausting if we don’t ever give ourselves a place to sit back and relax and soak in all we’ve learned and done. I also think success is so hard for women to internalize because we crave intangibles—peace, hope, love, joy, respect. Women don’t merely want a corner office or a beautiful company car. Women want the entire emotional package, too. Women want to feel loved and needed as well as cherished and respected. I think unless we find our place in the world, as well as peace and acceptance within ourselves, we never really feel successful. And maybe that’s one of the themes I find myself writing about over and over again. Women need to learn to cut themselves slack and give themselves the love and approval we’ve been looking for since we were little girls.

In Odd Mom Out, you address a lot of the same issues we’ve discussed at here Modern Matriarch: the representation of women, woman to woman mentorship, and the difficulties of work/life balance for women in the corporate world. How have these concerns shaped you as a writer?

 If we want the world different for our daughters we have to be the ones to demand change and although I have boys not girls, I want the world different for all the little girls coming after me. I want to be strong, powerful, courageous. I want to be brave and confront discrimination, prejudice, pettiness, fear and say let’s talk about these things, let’s talk about what makes us hurt and what makes us hope and make sure that we’re part of the decision making. I want to be sure younger women know what I’ve only just learned: life’s hard, sometimes very hard, but its also gorgeous and fascinating, challenging, rewarding and complex. There will be times life is going to smack you and hurt you and knock you to your knees. It’s going to suck. Falling and failing taste bad, feels bad but it won’t kill you and it won’t break you. Falling and failing happen to all of us. The secret is to get up again. The secret is knowing you can take a hit. But the first couple times you take that hit you don’t know what’s clobbered you. Which is when mentorship becomes so important. For me mentorship means extending a hand in front of you and behind you, saying, you can do it. We can do it. No one gets left behind. That’s why I write. That’s what I write. No one gets left behind. We all deserve love, joy, freedom, peace and respect. We all deserve the good stuff. Each and every one of us.

Like many of us who work from home, Marta struggles to keep her work from taking over her personal life. As a writer, are you able to manage your time and environment so that you can meet your deadlines and still have quality time with your sons? If you do, what are some of your secrets?

I try to plan in advance as much as possible and then block out time. If I know I’m on deadline for a book, the last 4-6 weeks will be grueling with 10-18 hour days at the computer so before and after I block out dedicated mom time, time where I don’t need the sitter over, and I plan a fun trip or weekend activity with the boys. Same thing for my social life. Once I’ve been freed from my deadline, I try to catch up with girl friends and have coffees and lunch as when I’m writing hardcore I literally only leave my house to take kids to school and sport events. When the pressure is on me, everything falls away but work and kids.

With that said, I have a more difficult personal life at times in that my former husband is a paraplegic who has been very ill these last several years and sometimes we’re operating in a crisis to crisis mode. I find keeping the kids okay and stable and steady require huge amounts of focus and determination on my part. I don’t have a lot of energy for a thousand different things. I will never be the PTA President. I will never chair a big school fundraiser or be a Cub Scout leader, and not because those things aren’t valuable but I’ve learned my limitations. I can get my kids from Point A to Point B but only if I take care of myself physically, mentally and emotionally, too. I learned the hard way by kids don’t stand a chance if I don’t look out for all of us. Moms have to learn to be selfish to protect themselves and their families. Moms have to say, time out, I need a time out, because when we make sure we’re healthy our families are healthier, too.

This is your third novel. What lessons did you learn from the publication of your first 5 Spot novel and how did you apply it to this one?

Odd Mom Out is my third novel for 5 Spot, and I’ve learned a lot between The Frog Prince, Flirting with Forty and Odd Mom Out. I discovered that readers don’t always just want a fun escape but they want to feel good, heart good, soul good, at the end of a book. They want a quick, easy read but at the same they want to be nourished, the same way you might feel after lunch or coffee with a great friend. My books are meant to be friends, encouraging and empowering. If I’ve done that, then I’ve succeeded.

Finally, what advice do you have for aspiring writers?

As with anything, don’t give up. Don’t accept defeat. Keep learning, keep applying what you learn about the craft, about the world, about you to the story. Writing is a muscle and requires muscle. Learning to write well takes time. It’s like hitting the gym to build a bicep. You only get a better, stronger muscle by working it. Well, the same is true for writing. Of course good writers make it look easier than it is so don’t be discouraged if you have to write and rewrite. It took me fifteen years to sell my first book. I had over twelve rejected manuscripts before I finally sold my first book in January 2000. I actually write for two publishers–very different stuff–and since January 2000 I have written and sold 30 novels. It’s been an a lot of work but I’m living my dream. I’m read around the world. I’m published in over twenty-five countries and nineteen languages. I even have Sony and Lifetime making a movie out of one of my books (Flirting with Forty). This is why I didn’t quit. I wanted to see if I could do it. I wanted to know I could achieve it. I wanted to prove that anything is possible.

Anything is possible.

To find out more about the author, visit her website at http://www.janeporter.com/

Book Review: Odd Mom Out

Porter, Jane. Odd Mom Out. 5 Spot. September 27, 2007. 408 p. ISBN-10: 0-446-69923-3 (ISBN-13: 978-0446069923-5) $13.99

Meeting Marta Zinsser was an eerie episode of self-recognition. The head strong, fiercely independent heroine of Jane Porter’s Odd Mom Out will no doubt resonate with many self-made women.

Marta Zinsser is a successful single mom, trying to balance the responsibilities of running her own business and raising her ten-year-old daughter Eva. Believing women can have it all, and have it all without the help – or interference – of a man, Marta reaches a crises point when she begins to doubt her own philosophy.

Marta led a happy life of nonconformity in New York City, until her mother became ill. Now Marta and Eva live in the wealthy suburb of Bellevue, home to Seattle’s software elite. Eva is the first to realize they’ve become social outcasts, and it’s all Marta’s fault.

While Marta is focused on launching her own advertising agency, Eva becomes obsessed with popularity and bridal magazines. Convinced that life would be easier if her mom would just try to fit in, Eva begins her mommy makeover campaign. But convincing Marta to join the PTA only makes things worse, as her combat boots step all over the pedicured toes of the local Alpha moms.
To complicate matters, Marta meets a man that challenges her idea of the family unit. Over committed and full of self-doubt, Marta begins to recognize her own prejudices and preconceived notions of womanhood.

Thematically, Odd Mom Out focuses on the representation of women; the way we portray ourselves and how women relate to one another. The message dominates the story line but delivers more than just the cliché platitudes about self image. Distressed by her daughter’s desire to befriend the most popular girls in school, a trusted confidant challenges Marta from a fresh perspective:

“She’s stronger than you think. Stronger than you were . . . That’s why she wants to be in the in crowd, she thinks she can handle the in crowd. And you know, I think she can, too.”
 “But why this desire to be popular? What’s that about?”
 Shey Shrugs. “It’s about power. Dominance. Eva is confident enough, she wants to compete—“
 “But on whose terms?”
 “Her terms.”

Shey also addresses Marta’s social isolation:

 “We’re part of a community, something larger than ourselves, and we need to be involved in the community. Not just Eva, but you, too . . . You don’t know who they are or what they think because you’re not giving them a chance.”

Marta fears the attempt to make new friends will mean slicing off the best parts of her personality to fit in. Who we really are in relationship to others is the real meat of the book. When is individualism a bold statement of self and when is it a mask we hide behind to avoid rejection? When is independence a conscious act of liberation and when is it an excuse to avoid the complications of interpersonal relationships?

From a technical standpoint, the structure is simple and the plot is well paced, but it’s Porter’s strong voice and clear vision that will ultimately win the readers over. Odd Mom Out illustrates that Porter is an acute observer of human nature. Her heroine, naturally flawed, is a woman readers can both admire and sympathize with, while her minor characters have been fleshed out enough to avoid stereotyping. Marta’s struggle to achieve work/life balance exemplifies the frustration of modern women as they attempt to reconcile the expectations of two competing environments. Odd Mom Out is an emotionally satisfying novel that will have you nodding in agreement.

Join Modern Matriarch tomorrow for an interview with author jane Porter. Odd Mom Out is on sale now through Amazon.com.

Challenging the Idea that Beauty is Only Skin Deep

Judy Mi Cha over at Mi Chic has honored me with her Beauty of the Month. I was a little perplexed until she explained it’s about inner and outer beauty. Well, ok then, that I can accept.

Judy Mi Chi is a talented writer who I actually met months ago on Editred.com (a writing community where she workshops some of her poetry). She’s also a contributing writer on Gather.com and with the social media group Associated Content. Judy is passionate about beauty. Not just cosmetics and fashion, but that inner glow that truly makes someone shine. Judy is an excellent example of women who are be both beautiful and intelligent.

Riding the middle road of average looks, I’ve never had to face the prejudice of being beautiful. Treated as male tokens, beautiful women are often viewed as shallow and a bit ditzy. That’s rarely true. However, it’s easy to see how such a mystique would develop. Some of these beautiful, intelligent women do play the dumb card, because they find it’s an easy way to get what they want. Let’s face it; a dumb beautiful woman meets less resistance than a smart one.

Sadly, many women feel they have to pin their hair back and don a pair of glasses before anyone will take them seriously. The pressure to down play their beauty comes from both sexes. Many women rage that make-up and high heels are masculine contraptions used to alter females into their ideal image. Men generally insist the business women should look more like business men.

I won’t deny the patriarchal history of many of our beauty traditions, but then again, I don’t deny the pagan pedigree of many of our Christian holidays. The important question is: what does it mean to you today? Does fashion make you feel beautiful and confident? Then by all means, gussy-up. (In fact, you should visit Judy’s blog, Mi Chic. She has a lot of great beauty tips.) Just don’t forget to nourish your inner beauty.

Finding your inner passion and cultivating it will make you a force to be reckoned with, no matter what external image you choose to portray. Whether it’s blogging about beauty or the representation of women, your conviction will shine through and you’ll gain the respect and admiration of others.

Writing Opportunities for Women

Ladies are you feeling a little left out of the publishing game? In her recent WOW! article, C. Hope Clark writes:

Other than in the romance arena, men writers outnumber women. Or let’s say that published men writers outnumber women.

It’s the lead to an article on female friendly publications and writer’s organizations. Now I’m not sure if publishers aren’t taking women seriously, or if women just aren’t taking themselves seriously, but I thought I would pass on the useful information. If you’re a woman trying to get some of your work published, this article is a great place to start. I also suggest keeping an eye on the Wow! Blog, for updates on web wide writing competitions.

I would love to stay and chat, but I take my future as a writer very seriously (what you don’t like my melodramatic tone?), so I have more chapters to revise and freelance projects to juggle. Fear not, loyal readers, I do have some more great reviews and interviews coming up. I also hope to have a website soon, with samples of my own work (for the sadistically curious). It’s a very hectic but exciting time in the Ares household. I think I need to brew more coffee.

Separating Business and Pleasure When You Work from Home

If you work and live in the same space, how do you separate the two? It’s not always easy, especially if you have the opportunity to do what you’re passionate about.

I left my full-time job so I could dedicate more quality time to my two-year-old, but when my at home job began to ramp up to full-time hours, I wondered if my daughter was really reaping the benefits of having a stay at home mom. Then I read Chynna Laird’s key phrase “Write Around Life” (“Start Me Up” WOW-Women on Writing Sept. 2007). Ah-ha. Yes, the little light went on.

I admit. My laptop has been permanently parked at the kitchen table, where I was spending most of my day writing and researching, always in visual range of my daughter as she colored, danced, and scrambled pretend eggs, but never really able to interact with her. And then there was my epiphany . . . office hours. Oh I know, it sounds so simple, but as a writer who got sucked into multiple projects, the idea escaped me. If the concept seems to have escaped you too, this is what I did to realign the forces of business and pleasure in my home.

First, set limitations. How many hours do you want to dedicate to your home business? Since, my goal is to be financially self-sustaining; I am willing to dedicate 40 hours a week to my writing. Of course, it is true that all work and no play will make you a very dull writer. (After all, what will you write about—the maddening glare of your computer screen?) So, it’s important to take a couple days off each week, just like you would from any other job. That means that I needed to schedule eight office hours a day, five days a week. Beginning to sound a lot like bankers hours right? Not quite.

Next, I took Ms. Laird’s advice—Write Around Life. Now that my daughter doesn’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn for daycare, she likes to sleep in. Being a toddler, I’ve also found that she slows down in the afternoon, either taking a nap or at least resting while watching her favorite pre-school programs. Therefore, my office hours run from 5am-9am and then from 1p-5p. Perfect! I get a full 8 hours to work when my toddler needs me the least. I’ve also found I get more done without the constant refrain of “mama, mom, mama.” Win. Win. And because my husband and I actually like each other, I can take my two days off during the weekend so I can spend quality time with him, too.

Finally, create an office space. When I first started working from home, I made the mistake of setting up shop right in the middle of my living space. This is a really bad idea. Not only will it be difficult for you to separate work and home, it will be difficult for everyone else around you. Your friends and family need a clear indication of when you’re dedicating time to work and when you’re dedicating time to play.

Here are a few tricks to keep you focused:

• Keep yourself on task by using a calendar or day planner and recap with a status report. I personally love the Franklin Covey system which encourages you to ‘schedule your priorities not prioritize your schedule’ (I also highly recommend the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.) My husband also serves as a sounding board. At the end of each week, I give him a status report of everything that I’ve accomplished that week and what I plan on doing the next week. Verbalizing my goals helps keep me focused and has the added benefit of keeping the lines of communication open. My husband has a better understanding of what I do and how I do it (freelance writing is a mysterious profession for many people), and clarifies the deadlines I’m up against.

• Keep a little notebook handy, especially if you break up your work day like I do. Your subconscious mind continues to work on something even after you’ve set it aside. You’ll be surprised how often ideas will manifest when you least expect them. Having a notebook handy let’s you jot down a quick reminder until you go back to the office. Writing it down will give your mind the opportunity to relax, and the notes will make your office time more productive.

• Overtime is ok, but try to plan for that, too. Each night, after my daughter’s bedtime routine, I have a few hours for myself. This is when I can concentrate on school work (I’m currently finishing my master’s degree), read, watch tv, or catch up on a project that is taking a little longer than I thought. When you build your office hours, give yourself this wiggle room.

• Play, don’t exercise. You can’t stay focused if your brain is running on overload. Although exercise is great for stress, it doesn’t help if it’s another ‘task’ you’ve scheduled. Have fun. After my morning office hours, I go for a bike ride with my daughter or spend a few hours at the zoo. It’s a lot more fun then a treadmill.

• Change up your routine. On your days off, do something completely different. When you work at home, falling into a perpetual routine is far too easy. The boredom will hurt your productivity and your ideas will become stale and recycled.

• Take a vacation. Hey you’re working hard, reward yourself! After all, that’s why you decided to work at home–for the freedom and the flexibility. Don’t say you can’t afford to, you can’t afford not to.

For me, working at home is a pleasure–I don’t have to worry about finding coverage if my toddler is sick, my family can take a spontaneous three day weekend without requesting vacation time, and I can build a business based on my values and mission statement, not someone elses–scheduling office hours just makes it easier.