Social Networking — Are You Connected?

Effective networking is not about popularity. It’s about building relationships that are mutually beneficial. Networking is a skill highly regarded in the corporate world, but often overlooked by those embarking on a freelance career. Becoming self-employed can have an isolating effect, but as an individual building your own business, you need your social network to grow not diminish.

First, don’t underestimate online social networks. Often adults dismiss these platforms as teenage chat sites, but those who do are missing out on some great opportunities. As a freelance writer I have meet a number successful individuals throughout the publishing industry. They’re not only an inspiration, but have been very generous with their time and professional opinion. As with traditional networks, many of these individuals have introduced me to members from their own network. This is one of the best ways to diversify your network. You never know who may need your services in the future.

Next, join professional organizations. These usually require a membership fee, but are generally worth it. Make sure to weigh the cost of membership against the benefits of membership before you decide. Most organizations will have local functions, newsletters and forums. This is the fastest way to network within a specific market.

Finally, nurture your contacts. Make note of birthdays and special occasions. Don’t forget to express gratitude when they help you. Stop by once and a while just to see if they need your assistance, helping someone before they ask is always a great way to build stronger relationships. Remember, they’re not just your contacts, their people, too.

Women and Sarcasm

I’ve been reading and reviewing a lot of chic lit lately, and I’ve made an interesting discovery. There’s a lot of sarcasm out there.  Main characters often think sarcastically when faced with an adversary or passing judgment on themselves. Sarcasm is also quite common in the affectionate bantering between two female characters.

Personally, I find this an enjoyable aspect of chic lit. But then again, my tongue has signed a lease agreement with my cheek so that shouldn’t be surprising. However, I began to wonder if women are drawn to sarcasm more than men.

My husband, like many men I know, gets a good chuckle out of physical comedy and sexual innuendo.  I can’t really judge his appreciation for sarcasm because English is his second language and sarcasm is usually pretty subtle. 

But then there’s my college friend Chad. Now there’s a guy who can sling some sarcasm. We were both english majors, and as we publically lashed at each other with barbed tongues, many of our classmates actually came to the conclusion that we truly disliked one another.

Recognizing that sarcasm has become so prevolant in women’s literature raises a lot of questions? What are the psychological and sociological implications of sarcasm? Is there a gender bias? Who is more likely to engage in sarcasm and why? Is it intellectual sparring, an attempt to establish territory, or merely a way to release tension?

In the chic lit that I’ve read, sarcasm directed towards an adversary seems to indicate a sense of insecurity masked in a false display of superiority: the knee jerk reaction of “yeah well, I’m soooo much smarter than you.” While sarcasm between friends seems to indicate a deep level of trust: the “I love you so much I can tell you the truth in jest” kind of behavior.  Is sarcasm, perhaps, the verbal equivalent to sticking out your tongue?  

Clearly this is a topic that deserves extensive research, however, I really have much more pressing obligations–like blending up my morning protein shake and scheduling a pedicure.  

Who Me? (A Self-deprecating Soliloquy)

Edited October 19, 2007

The original post found below should be taken with a grain of salt. Rather than delete the post, I will let it stand. Perhaps someone else will learn something from my stumble along the path to living cooperatively. The attitude found in the original post does not represent the values I have embraced in my personal mission statement, and must therefore be relinquished.

As I strive to live cooperatively instead of competitively I have decided to focus on paying it forward, not paying it back.

Special thanks to Nina (and others) who saw through my prickly defenses, and believed I was a better person than I was allowing myself to be. You’re unconditional love and support is greatly appreciated. Nice Does Matter. Thank you.

 

Original Post:

Well, Nina Munteanu is back from her latest convention and she’s at it again. But, this time I must protest. She has bestowed upon me the “Nice Matters Award.” Now I confess, being nice is well . . . nice, but not necessarily my natural inclination.
As you may have noticed, my sentimental piece Born Again was quickly followed by my snarky little post Stilleto. That was intentional. After all, one does strive for balanced reporting, and I’m a complicated chic. The title of the blog says it all. Though I embrace the ideals of matriarchal culture, I am also very modern. I learn and adapt quickly. As a result, I tend to mirror the behavior of others—well to some extent.

I am who I am, but how I treat someone depends primarily on how they treat me. Those who have been kind and generous, receive kindness and generosity in return. Those who have been judgmental have found themselves judged. Those who have been cruel or callous have found themselves cast aside. It’s not that I hold a grudge; I’m just not interested in perpetuating their negativity, or cowering down to it.

Oh yes, I know, many of you are going to say I should be a bigger person and rise above any perceived hostility, but I don’t suffer from a messiah complex and I’m not desperate to belong to any clique, so I can afford to be picky.

It’s not all down side, though. Rest assured, I will not smile to your face and scowl behind your back. I do not waste my time with revenge or the defamation of your character. I’m not Mother Theresa, and I’m not Hannibal Lector. I’m somewhere in between, bonding with others who also inhabit the murky waters of humanity.

So, I accept the “Nice Matters Award” from Nina Munteanu with the disclaimer that it is not a statement of who I am, but a reflection of the friendship Nina has taken the time to cultivate.

Therefore, since I am far from being an expert on the niceties of niceness, I will break from this meme tradition. Instead of passing it on to five bloggers, I will pass it on to five charitable causes:

                                                                                             

The Synopsis: a Powerful Marketing Tool for Writers

Ok, you’ve finished your manuscript. You’ve sent out query letters. You finally have a nibble! Someone wants to see a couple chapters and a synopsis. This is your last chance to reel them in. What do you do?

Simply put, a synopsis is a brief narrative summary of your manuscript. From a marketing standpoint, a synopsis is a finely tuned sales pitch. There is a standard format for a synopsis and it’s important that you understand it, your credibility as a professional depends on it, and so does the life of your manuscript.

Format your synopsis just as you would your manuscript:

• 12 point courier type
• Double spaced
• Top margin at ½” and all remaining margins at 1¼”
• Justify left
• First page contact and manuscript information
• Slugline and page numbers on every page thereafter

What is the contact and manuscript information?

Your contact information should be at the top of the first page, against the left margin and single spaced. It should include your name, address, and phone number. Just like the header of a business letter. The manuscript information is in the opposite corner and should include the manuscript’s genre, the word count, and the word ‘synopsis’.

What is a slugline?

The slugline is a header that contains your last name, the title of your manuscript (in all caps), and in this case, the word ‘synopsis’. Here’s an example: Author/TITLE OF MY NOVEL/Synopsis

How much of the story should I tell?

All of it! A synopsis is primarily a condensed version of your manuscript beginning, middle, and end. The average synopsis runs about one page for every twenty pages of manuscript (including the chapters you are sending with the synopsis). Don’t divide your synopsis into chapters, however, just tell a concise, unified story hitting the highlights. Dialogue is rarely used. You should also avoid the use of adjectives and adverbs, and referencing your clever plot devices. Stick to the action, emotion and motivation that move the story forward.

Another major difference between a synopsis and a manuscript lies in verb tense. A synopsis is written in historical present tense. You may remember historical present tense from your days as an English student, when you wrote about an author and his work in the present tense. For example: “Milton uses symbolism of both dark and light in his epic poem Paradise Lost.” If you’ve written a lot of Literary research papers, this will come naturally. If you haven’t it may take a little practice and you should definitely get someone else to proofread for consistency.

What are the vital components of the synopsis?

As I mentioned earlier, your synopsis is not just a summary but a sales pitch. Begin with a hook. Hooks begin with the lead character, the leads crisis and how the lead intends on resolving the crisis. The best way to understand hooks is to watch movie trailers:

AMANDA was a practical housewife who didn’t believe in magic, until the family cat was abducted by mischievous gnomes. To appease her distraught daughter AMY, Amanda must enlist the help of fairies.

If you haven’t established all of the lead’s vital statistics in the hook, make sure you quickly follow with the leads age, occupation, marital status or other pertinent details. Also establish the place and time of your story right away. (Think of the cliché trailer lines “In a world were. . .”/“In a time when . . .”)

When introducing new characters, use another film industry trick—all caps. That draws attention to the new player, and sets a precedent, so be consistent with the way you refer to each character. In the above example, Amanda should always be addresses as Amanda and not as Amy’s mom. Chances are your synopsis may get a cursory skim through and you want it to be as clear as possible.

Finally, revise your synopsis with the same diligence you gave your manuscript. It’s an important marketing tool that may be the key to publication.

Reference: Marshall, Evan. The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing. Cincinnati, Ohio: Writer’s Digest. 1998.

Self-Sacrifice: When is Enough, Enough?

Do you remember the book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein? Although I remember reading the poetry of Where the Sidewalk Ends when I was just a child, I was in my early twenties before I read The Giving Tree. A female friend of mine said it was one of her favorite children’s books. So one day, while at the book store, I decided to take a look.

Ever the sentimental fool, I began buying my favorite children’s movies and books long before I ever had children of my own. However, after reading through The Giving Tree, I put it back on the shelf and left the store feeling a little unnerved.
Growing up, I had been taught that love meant sacrifice, not merely compromise, but whole hearted sacrifice. An altruistic paradigm, or is it? In my early twenties, I was beginning to think otherwise.

As a mother, I understand the maternal drive to nurture and protect a child. I remember many of the sacrifices my mother made for me and I am sure there are many I do not even know about. As I make sacrifices for my daughter now, and I know there are many sacrifices yet to be made. But for some, self-sacrifice is not just a maternal instinct, but a interpersonal philosophy.

These benevolent givers, are always concerned with how others feel and what others need. They are willing to cater to those individuals at their own expense, because they believe it demonstrates how much they truly care. As I read The Giving Tree as a young woman, I recognized how the tree personified those people.

The tree loves a boy. When the boy is very young, he climbs her trunk, swings in her branches, eats the occasional apple, and sleeps in her shade. They are both happy.

But as he grows older, he grows more distant, returning rarely and always with greater demands. First, the tree sacrifices a season of apples, then her branches, and finally her trunk, until she is nothing more than a stump. Finally, the boy returns as an old man. The tree is still glad to see him but distressed that she has nothing else to offer:

“I don’t need very much now,”
said the boy,
“just a quiet place to sit and rest.
I am very tired.”
“Well,” said the tree,
straightening herself up
as much as she could,
“well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting . . .

He sits and he rests, and the tree is happy.

When I took my daughter to the library yesterday, I decided to look for The Giving Tree. I thought I would read it again, and see how I felt about the story now. What was the author’s intent? What was the moral? I checked it out and took it home. This copy had a book jacket with a blurb that read:

“This is a tender story, touched with sadness, aglow with consolation. Shel Silverstein has created a moving parable for readers of all ages that offers an affecting interpretation of the gift of giving and a serene acceptance of another’s capacity to love in return.”

For those who live life like the tree, giving until their own resources are depleted, their brief moments of joy are interspersed with long periods of sadness. Deep down they hope that their sacrifice will not go unnoticed, that the immensity of their love will not go unappreciated. But often it does, or the gratitude simply doesn’t last long enough. Sometimes they are left desolate, sometimes bitter. But who’s really at fault?

I closed the book, and put it back in the canvas book bag, ready to be returned. The Giving Tree is not a story I want to share with my impressionable two year old. Perhaps I will give a copy to my daughter when she is old enough to begin analyzing literature; when we can discuss the value of compromise, and the dangers of sacrifice. When is enough, enough? Perhaps we never know until it’s too late, but I think it should stop somewhere before you’re hacked to a stump.

I’m Sorry, Did my Stiletto Catch You in the Ego?

I admit it. I’m a classic overachiever. I’m never satisfied with doing well. I’m pushing for Wow! 

I have a difficult time committing to anything I’m not passionate about. A lack of passion leads to mediocrity. It distresses me deeply to plaster a happy façade over the misery of just doing “good enough”. ”Good enough” may meet the standard I’m being measured against, but it doesn’t meet the standard I have for myself–the standard that pushes me to exceed your expectations.

I realize this is obsessive behavior, and it can make me difficult to work with. Not everyone wants to push that hard. But as I look at the people I admire, they all have it, that perfectionism. It doesn’t mean that over achievers are perfect, far from it. It means that when they set their minds on something, their focus is relentless.

That’s why I love writing. I start with my first cup of coffee in the morning and continue well into the night. My ability to achieve my goal does not rely on the performance of others–others who may or may not be as passionate as I am.

I thrive on the feedback. Not the fluffy critiques like “nice” or “well done”, but the pen stabbing constructive criticism that cuts the fat from my writing.  Mind you, I am not belittling the support I have received here and on other social networks. As a writer, it’s satisfying to know my work reaches out and touches someone, or imparts valuable information. But you see, I distinguish between comments (a communication meant to address the EMOTIONAL impact of a piece) and criticism (a communication meant to address the TECHNICAL aspects of a piece).  

Many of you know I’ve started my first novel. Recently, a mentor of mine read the first chapter. It was very exciting to receive the manuscript back with all of its lines, squiggles, and marginal notes. “Shutter the first page” she wrote. In other words, get rid of it. Wow, the whole page? But she’s right, it needs to go. They say the first page is usually the warm up, the formality of getting acquainted with pen and paper. It’s basic advice published in almost every “how to write” book, but there it was, that warm up page mocking me from the neatly typed font of my own work. For me, it’s evidence that you have to actually make the mistake before it leaves an impression.  I am so grateful for the clear, experienced eye of someone honest enough to bring it to my attention.

I make a lot of mistakes as a perfectionist. Like forgetting not everyone else is one. Not everyone makes the distinction between a comment and a critique. For those who don’t, writing can be a brutal business bruising fragile egos. (See the blog The Rejecter.) The bitter backlash marks their lack of professionalism, but I only hold that against those who seek to be professionals. Many people write simply because they like to. It’s a hobby born out of self-expression, and should be treated with a little more delicacy. This is a skill I have just begun to learn.

If you want to become a professional writer, swallow your pride and be prepared to be torn apart. Don’t take it personally. Don’t waste time with retaliation. Roll up your sleeves and dig deeper.

edited: October 19, 2007

Well dear readers, I want to apologize for the negativity (and clichés) of this piece. Although I prefer to put positive energy out into the world, this post represents how I was feeling on a particularly snarky day, so I’ll let the record stand. I would like to thank those who supported me even at my snarkiest, patiently waiting for me to realign myself with the idea of living cooperatively not competitively.

Born Again – One Mother’s Graduation from the School of the Dead

Just days before my first semester of college, I was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. Misdiagnosed twice, an entopic pregnancy had gone unchecked and I was eight hours from hemorrhaging to death.

Originally diagnosed as a miscarriage, I was overwhelmed by the idea of being pregnant and losing a baby all at the same time. I was given a pamphlet on mothers in mourning, and sent home with my husband. Being newly married, I don’t think he ever fully grasped the psychological impact of that event.

On the second trip to the hospital, the pain was diagnosed as “cramping” and I was pumped full of pain killers. When they began to wear off, the severity of my condition became apparent. Curled up in the fetal position, screaming from the pain, I faced my mortality for the first time.

They say your life flashes before your eyes, but it was not the past that ran through my mind. It was the future. As they prepped me for surgery, I worried about my young, insecure husband, and how he would face such a devastating loss. Then I was swallowed by the deep black of unconsciousness.

The next twenty-four hours can only be recalled in the foggy haze of semi-consciousness. I remember the intense cold of the anesthesia wearing off. I remember stumbling out of bed to the restroom, pulling an IV behind me, but most of that time is shadowed in sleep.

It is the next day that is still vivid to me. Riding in the car, the sun was bright, the birds were singing and cars were rushing to and from their destinations. The brilliant day hit me with its ferocious appetite for life. It was a day that did not acknowledge whether I had lived or died. It would have been the same day with or without me: the same sun, the same bird songs, the same oblivious rush of people who had never known me.

It was a moment that changed my life. Hélèn Cixous calls this the School of the Dead, when we “pass through the cemetery, our hearts beating from so much death, until we reach young life.” It was not the first time I had or would encounter death. With vivid recollection, I remember my sister being still born on Christmas day when I was only five. On the day after his twenty-fourth birthday (coming full circle as life often does) the husband I had worried about on my death bed would lose his life in a fatal motorcycle accident.

Although facing death is always devastating, experiencing death is transforming. It was the one time I closed my eyes knowing I may never open them again. Waking from that primordial fog on such a vibrant day triggered a new found sense of awe and a profound appreciation of time.

Over a decade later, I’m remarried with a beautiful little girl. My gratitude is made more intense because of the losses littering my past. Given the chance, I would change nothing. As Cixous says, “This is grace: given death, then taken back . . . We lose and in losing we win.”

E-quiries - Increasing Publishing Opportunities

Writing effective query letters is an essential skill for any writer seeking publication. In the age of electronic communication, the process of querying magazines and literary journals is faster and easier than ever. For writers, the e-query can be a powerful tool when used correctly.

Who should I e-query?

Before sending out those e-queries, do your research. Not all publications accept queries via email. Check with the Writer’s Market or the writer’s guidelines located on their website. Some publications will direct writers to a specific email address for e-queries. Address your query to a specific editor if that information is available (keep your tone formal).

Just because it’s easy to send emails to multiple addresses doesn’t mean you should. Because of the rapid turnaround time of e-queries, there’s no need for simultaneous submissions. Emailing each publication individually is not only a professional courtesy; it will keep your queries from sounding to generic. Your queries, whether hard copy or electronic, should be specifically tailored for each publication.

How should I e-query?

Make sure you follow the standard format for traditional query letters. No more than one page with 11 or 12 point font, single-spaced, and block format (double spaced between paragraphs with no indentation). Your query should be clear and concise, illustrating the strength of your writing.

Busy editors often scan through query letters, so if you want to get their attention, make the first line count. Make a connection and mention any referral contact. In fact, your first impression starts with the subject line of your email, so make sure to use the word “query” in the title.

Query letters generally consist of three parts. Lead the query with your idea, and why it is right for their publication. Next, give your credentials: awards, honors, publishing credits (boldface or italicize the names of magazines and journals), and personal experience with the subject matter. Finally, let the editor know when you will be following up on your query. Make sure you give the editor time to consider your idea. Although your e-query will arrive in the editor’s mailbox almost instantaneously, they may not have the luxury of responding right away.

Do not send attachments with your query. They clog your editor’s mailbox and most go unopened anyways. Let the editor know you will gladly submit clippings upon request. You can also link to any publishing credits online.

Make sure to enclose your complete contact information (address, phone, fax) just as you would with a traditional query letter. You want to make the editor’s job as easy as possible.

How should I manage my e-queries?

Because sending out e-queries is so easy, it’s also easy to lose track of them. Make sure you use a spread sheet program to track which query you’ve sent to whom and when. Also, note when you are due to follow up with that query, and whether it was accepted or denied. Just because it was not accepted does not mean it is not a good idea, it may just mean it is not a good idea for that publication at the time. For, that reason you should keep a copy of all of your queries. With a little revision they can be sent out to another publisher.

With sharp query letters and diligent management e-queries can cut down on leg work and increase your publishing opportunities.

Book Review: The Guy Not Taken

The Guy Not Taken will touch you with its bitter-sweet intimacy. This bestselling collection of eleven short stories by Jennifer Weiner illustrates the profound impact of human connection in a witty, heart wrenching way.

Weiner’s earthy narratives are full of the crippled beauty and tangled weeds of interpersonal relationships. Her diverse cast of characters range from a young Josie Krystal, dealing with the aftermath of her father’s disappearance, to an elderly Dora, who finds herself hijacked by the desperate promises of a misguided young woman. It is this chronological arc, from youth to old age that ties these stories together. Through the daily struggles of wounded spirits seeking love and happiness, Weiner demonstrates how individuals touch each other in unexpected ways.

The well crafted characters will draw you in with their humor and befriend you with their vulnerability. Like all friends, sometimes they may even frustrate you, but within that gut twisting emotion lies Weiner’s true skill as a writer. The individual plot lines, though deliberate, are never predictable. At times you may feel betrayed, cheated out of your “Hollywood” happy ending. However, the path that each story leads you down is just as enchanting. Sometimes the happy endings we’re expecting, blind us to the happy endings that are possible.

Life Lessons – Reflections on my 36th Birthday

Today marks the thirty-sixth year since my birth in the dewey, pre-dawn hours of Portland, Maine. After hours of labor, I was placed my mother’s stomach as they announced “it’s a girl”. Through a medicated fog she mumbled “that’s nice” and fell asleep.

Well, who can blame her? Child birth is exhausting, not to mention traumatizing, for both mother and child. From that moment on, the learning curve catapults upward.

With almost four decades behind me, I have learned a lot of lessons. Here’s my short list:

1. Listen more than you talk.
2. Read more than you write.
3. Learn more than you teach.

These three rules stem from the belief that each experience in life is an opportunity for growth. Those who are focused on their own self-expression, on getting others to see the world from their own perspective, generally miss valuable learning opportunities. Their energy is focused on changing others and not changing themselves.

This is a tricky paradigm for artists, writers, and musicians. It’s the creative mind is driven by the desire to express thought and emotion. Yet, we must remember to be open (perhaps more open than others) so that when we do create, we create more than the stale images of our self-absorbed ranting.

I am grateful to each and every one of you who have stopped by today and I hope to hear from you, to read your comments, and to learn from your experiences.