Mother’s Day From a Child’s Perspective

There’s a lot to be said about the value of Mothers. I heard an NPR report the other day that estimated that mothers work 100 hours a week, and if they were paid the current salary for all the jobs they performed they would earn $270,000 a year. But of course, mothers don’t get paid for being mothers, well except for a few fringe benefits—like the well timed kiss or hug from an adoring child.

Gratitude—it’s a gift that small children still value, yet somewhere along the way consumerism seems to seep in corrupt this still pool of satisfaction. I noticed this while reading a selection of new Mother’s Day books from HarperCollins. They desperately addressed the same issue: Mom doesn’t really want something for Mother’s day. What she longed for the most was love and appreciation.

In Daine de Groat’s book, Mother, You’re the Best! (But Sister, You’re a Pest!), Gilbert the opossum searches for just the right Mother’s Day gift. In this hardback picture book designed for ages 3-8, Gilbert’s little sister Lola keeps upstaging him. In the end, his quest to keep his sister preoccupied turns out to be the perfect gift. This adorable book not only suggests that the best Mother’s Day gifts are free, but address sibling rivalry as well.

Another humorous Mother’s Day picture book, T. Rex and the Mother’s Day Hug by Lois G. Grambling, pokes fun at the bigger is better mentality that tends to get so many of us in trouble. As T. Rex considers his gift giving options, his mother assures him that a big hug is more than enough. But T. Rex wants to do MORE: a strategy that hasn’t really worked out for him in the past. Although T. Rex goes overboard yet again, in the end he manages to get it just right.

However, the mother themed picture book favored by my three-year-old daughter was a cherished classic: Does a Kangaroo Have a Mother Too? (Spanish Edition). This fabulous book features Eric Carle’s timeless illustrations and embraces the simple premise that everyone has a mother giving young readers a moment to reflect on what it means to have a mother.

And that’s all we really want—to be appreciated. As I was writing this post today, my daughter woke up and brought me a simple card and gave me a big hug and kiss. Jewelers will tell you we deserve diamonds, florists will recommend flowers, and connectionists will tell you we crave chocolates, but gratitude is the greatest gift of all—both for the giver and recipient. Although we do deserve diamonds (about 270,000 dollars worth each year), love is priceless.

Finding Your Calling in Unexpected Places

In my March 3rd posting, I addressed this blogs “conspicuous silence.” After my husband’s recent stay in the ICU, our sense of financial security was a little shaky. In order to relieve the stress, I decided to find a steady job.

Of course, after reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, I felt it was important to find more than a job. True, I needed a steady income, but I also wanted to be of service. I began applying for part-time faculty positions at local colleges. I’ve always enjoyed helping individuals achieve their life goals and, as an English instructor, I felt like I could contribute in my own small way.

I was hired by a small college that shares the same optimistic vision I have – anyone can become anything, if they only believe in themselves. Although teaching freshman composition within a community that primarily speaks English as a second language was very challenging, it was also very rewarding.

Much of my free time was consumed with creating exams, grading papers, and trying to find ways to make English grammar fun and entertaining. The hard work paid off though, as I watched student confidence grow with each achievement. In turn, they encouraged me with heartfelt letters of appreciation. It was a very fulfilling experience.

Then, I was offered a position I had not applied for. While teaching, I had assisted Student Services with their Spring Graduation. I spent at least 16 hours a week in the Student Services office, and really enjoyed working with the staff. I was impressed by their dedication and their attempt to deliver an astounding graduation despite the fact that they had been without a Director for months.

“Do you think you would like working there full-time?” asked the VP of finance. She was offering me the Director’s position. I knew the combination of my corporate background, my teaching experience, and my self-directed freelance work provided a unique set of skills that could benefit the office, but I was still reluctant.

“I don’t know. I would really hate to give up teaching.” It was my calling, after all—Wasn’t it?

Over the next few weeks, I questioned my motives. I remembered something Eckhart Tolle had said, “Many people ask themselves what they want in life. What they should ask is what does life want from me.” So, I asked the question what does life want from me. I began to realize that my insistence on teaching was based on my own ego. It was not how I could be of greatest service, but was based on my belief that teaching was one of the noblest of professions. It was also based on the positive feedback I received from my students, feedback that nurtured my own pride and sense of self-worth.

As I began to examine my own motives and had the courage to let those misconceptions go, the door opened once again. “The position of Director is still available,” the VP of finance reminded me. This time, I took the job—but it’s more than a job. Now I serve the entire student body not just the handful of students that come through my classroom.

Sometimes you have to let go of what you think you should do, in order to see the thing you could do, to find your calling in unexpected places.

Does the Easter Bunny Need GPS?

Someone at HarperCollins must have read my post Put Books in Their Basket because a package of Easter themed books magically appeared at my front door—the Monday after Easter. Opps. Perhaps the Easter Bunny took a wrong turn somewhere between New York and Miami.

Even though the holiday is over, I think some of these books are still deserving of mention. Some of the titles transcend Easter (like the fabulous book How Big is God? by Lisa Tawn Bergren) and are worthy of full fledged reviews. Therefore, I will post individual reviews of those books in the near future.

Some of the other titles are representative of the creative methods used to engage young readers, and I will discuss them briefly here. Although, I will reference some specific titles, this posting is meant to bring awareness to learning styles rather than individual books. I’m sure you will be able to find a seasonal substitute for any of the examples mentioned below.

As learners, we all process information using a combination of three methods: visual, auditory, and tactile. Individual learners often favor one method over another; however, they are rarely aware of it. As an educator (and a mother) I am always looking for ways to try to engage all three of these methods simultaneously. Here as some books that help young children do that.

Biscuit’s Pet & Play Easter: This is one of those ‘touch and feel’ board books. Although my daughter is three, she still loves these books. The texture fully engages a child’s tactile response while the pictures stimulate the visual. By reading these ‘touch and feel’ books to your child, you can also engage audio learning as well, creating a three-fold learning experience. The textures are also great for stimulating conversation and, therefore, critical thinking skills.

Berenstain Bears’ Baby Easter Bunny: This is a ‘lift-the-flap’ or ‘peek-a-boo’ book. Again the movable flaps engage the tactile learner. It also encourages critical thinking as the flaps provoke a child’s curiosity and he considers what may lie underneath.

Bedtime Prayers/Everday Prayers: These two books are published by Harper Blessings. These two books use an image substitution method for young readers. Certain words repeated throughout the book are represented by illustrations–a key in the front of the book clarifies their meaning.

Here’s an example. The first prayer in Bedtime Prayers reads:

I see the moon,
And the moon sees me,
God bless the moon,
And God bless me.

In this prayer the word ‘moon’ has been replaced by the illustration of a little crescent moon, allowing young children to ‘read’ long before they have acquired letter recognition. Most parents can tell you that small children have a desire to read long before they have the skills. They will often memorize their favorite stories and ‘read them’ out loud to others. By utilizing image recognition, young children can ‘read’ much earlier, gaining a sense of accomplishment and encouraging a stronger relationship with books and reading.

As the example above illustrates, these prayers also utilize rhyme, which will help to fully engage audio learning. The rhyming makes the prayers easier to memorize and paves the way for future phonics skills.

Now that Easter is over, you may not be able to find all of these titles at your local bookstore, but as I mentioned, you should be able to find a seasonal substitute. You can also find holiday titles year round from online book retailers. I like to have a selection of holiday themed books that we rotate, since anticipation often creates greater interest.

If you have a favorite books that utilizes any of these learning methods feel free to share them in the comment section below.

Children’s Book Review: Fancy Nancy: Bonjour, Butterfly

Jane O’Connor. Illustrated by Robin Preiss Glasser. Fancy Nancy: Bonjour Butterfly. HarperCollins. 32 p. Ages 4-7. ISBN: 9780061235887 (ISBN10: 0061235881) $16.99

Do butterflies speak French? “Maybe” says Fancy Nancy, the endearing character created by Jane O’Connor and Robin Preiss Glasser, the bestselling team behind the 2007 Quill Award nominated Fancy Nancy and the Posh Puppy. Bonjour, Butterfly is the latest in the Fancy Nancy franchise, and a picture book triumph!

Fancy Nancy and her friend Bree LOVE butterflies. One might even call them exquisite (a fancy word for beautiful), especially if you’re a young girl with a penchant for glamour. With Bree’s birthday right around the corner, what better way to celebrate their love of butterflies than with a Butterfly Birthday Bash, complete with a butterfly birthday cake! But when her mom tells her she can’t go because of her grandparent’s very dull wedding anniversary, Fancy Nancy isn’t mad—she’s furious! Fear not, life sparkles with more surprises than an iridescent butterfly wing, and soon Fancy Nancy is having a fabulous time.

I absolutely adore this picture book. The artwork is lavish and the use of language is divine, making it a feast for the eyes and the ears.

Glasser’s technical ability is stunning as her detailed illustrations enrich the stories theme and adds depth to an already charming story. In one scene Fancy Nancy models her fancy butterfly costume for her younger sister. In the background three pictures (evidently drawn by Fancy Nancy herself) hang on the wall. The descriptive caption in the first picture reads “PLAIN Caterpillar,” the second reads “EVEN PLAINER cocoon,” and finally, the third reads “FANCY Butterfly.” In the foreground, Fancy Nancy stretches up on her tippy toes, a blanket puddled around her feet. Her little sister sits on the floor completely wrapped in another blanket, watching Fancy Nancy with an expression of obvious admiration. This adorable image suggests that Fancy Nancy is just starting to emerge from the cocoon that still swaddles her younger sister, adding a subtext to O’Connor’s narration.

O’Connor clearly understands the relationship children have with language. The author makes no attempt to talk down to her young readers. The story is liberally sprinkled with a plethora of fancy words, often defined by Fancy Nancy herself. Children love elaborate words and enjoy using them correctly. (I recall my kindergarten fascination with the word ‘obstinate’; a word that expressed so much more than just being ‘stubborn.’)

Along with the challenging vocabulary, O’Connor’s writing captures the ups and downs of pre-school emotion in all of its delightful detail and drama. Fancy Nancy is a character parents will recognize and small children can relate to. The theme of finding joy despite disappointment is one that will resonate with both reader and listener, and provides a platform for further discussion.

I highly recommend Fancy Nancy: Bonjour, Butterfly. It’s a delightful combination of rich art and literary expression.

Children’s Book Review: The Dog Princess Fairy Tails

The Dog Artist Collection. The Dog Princess Fairy Tales. HarperCollins. Ages 3-6. ISBN-0060783105 (ISBN 13-9780060783105) $16.99

Move over Paris Hilton, there’s a new pampered princess in town—a pampered puppy princess that is. This pampered puppy princess is far from petty though, she has her . . .  um . . . priorities straight (sorry—the alliteration is positively contagious).

The Dog Princess Fairy Tails is the latest book by The Dog Artist Collection. This modern fairytale is both empowering and endearing. The story of the pampered princess (with a pink limousine) is told through precious puppy photos. When the pampered princess begs her Fairy Dogmother to send a handsome prince to the grand ball, she gets “EXACTLY” what she wished for. Oops. What will a ballroom full of pampered princesses do with just one Prince? Well tell him to “go fetch,” of course. The pampered princess pals decide to play nice and have a slumber party instead.

Using unique angles and special lenses, The Dog Artist Collection captures the quirky humor of our favorite four legged friends. These dogs are featured on postcards, in calendars, and as plush animals world wide. They also appear in the picture book, board book, and paperback versions of The Dog From Arf! Arf! To Zzzzzz.

My three-year-old daughter loves this book. The photos keep her giggling from cover to cover, while the positive story reinforces the value of friendship, independence, and appreciating what you already have. The puppy photos are enhanced with illustrative effects that transform these adorable doggies into fair tale princesses. Although these puppies are bejeweled, they’re not afraid to break a nail. When they lay down for their beauty rest, they dream of things like soccer.

This simple story will really resonate with parents who want to foster female femininity and strength. The princess puppies are bedecked with boas and jewels, while demonstrating that style can have substance.

The world play and alliteration throughout the book makes the story fun to read out loud and enjoyable for young ears. The large print makes it easy to read while holding the book at arms length and the pink photo captions that accompany each photo are short enough for pre-school children to memorize, allowing them to read along before they actually master reading skills.

This picture book will be a fabulous addition to any child’s library, especially puppy loving princesses.

For more information on The Dog Artist Collection, visit their website at www.thedog-club.com.

Put Books in Their Basket

I have a three-year-old daughter, and like any three-year-old, she loves the holidays. We decorate, watch holiday themed videos, and participate in holiday themed parties at her daycare and her favorite local attractions. However, as a mother who is concerned about creating healthy eating habits, the holidays can pose a problem. Many of them encourage the consumption of dubious amounts of candy.

Oh, I’m not one of those moms that completely bans sugar from the house, but I do restrict it quite a bit. I also look for ways to limit the amount of candy received during these highly commercialized holidays. We all remember that bag of Halloween candy that lasted until Christmas. By over indulging during the holidays, that stocking full of Christmas candy might last until Valentine’s Day, and that Valentine’s Day candy could last until Easter. It’s no wonder our country struggles with obesity, diabetes, and hyperactive children. We might as well give them a sugar IV and send them out into the world.

The public schools are finally catching on to the detrimental effects of sugar and systematically eradicating it from the lunchroom and vending machines. As an educator myself, I can tell you we have enough challenges without the sugar induced buzz distracting our students (not to mention the post sugar comatose).

As another holiday draws upon us, look for some alternatives for that Easter basket. Perhaps forgoing the candy all together is a bit drastic. Who wants to receive a fruit basket when everyone else is getting Cadbury eggs? We can cut back the amount of candy they receive, however, by adding small, inexpensive gifts that encourage learning and physical activity.

Here’s a suggestion I’m partial to . . . BOOKS! If you encourage your child to read while they’ re young, you will help them develop a life-long habit. In an effort to encourage children’s literacy, I will feature a number of children’s book reviews this week. With the plethora of options out there this spring, I will be posting more than once a day, so check back often, or subscribe to the Modern Matriarch feed to catch them all.

Happy Holidays and good reading!

Oh Shut Up Already!

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone but found it impossible because they just wouldn’t listen? Every time you opened your mouth to say something, they just had to interrupt. It’s impossible to talk and listen at the same time.

You may have noticed that this blog has been conspicuously silent lately. That’s because I am listening. I believe in the vastness of universal potential and the depth of life’s lessons and sometimes you just need to shut up to hear them.

I am adding links to three programs I am currently participating in—all courtesy of Oprah.com. I will refrain from commenting on them for now because I feel as though I would be interrupting the lesson I need to learn. I simply want to share the blessing of inspiration and fellowship they have provided.

A New Earth Oprah’s current Book Club selection addresses humanity’s ego-based thinking. Oprah and author Eckhart Tolle are committed to discussing the book chapter by chapter in a 90 minute live web event every Monday night starting March 3rd. (Discussions archived)

A Course in Miracles Marianne Williamson takes you through the complete Course in Miracles. Everyday in 2008, Williamson covers one of the 365 lessons. Although this program began in January, the complete program is archived and you can go at your own pace.

Oprah and Bob’s Million Viewer Challenge The body is the temple of the spirit. Learn how to make better health and fitness choices, because you deserve to live your best life.

Traffic Jam on the Expressway of Life

My husband gave a weak smile as I entered his hospital room. I bent down to kiss him, careful not to disturb the tubes inserted in his arms and neck. It was week two in the intensive care unit. The exhaustion was evident on my face as he asked, “how are you holding up?”

“Ok,” I admitted. I’m not very good at glossing over the truth. Like most modern couples, we’re a tag team of goals and accomplishments. We may have common objectives in life, but we do have separate bank accounts, manage different household expenses, and juggle different responsibilities. When my husband was admitted to the hospital with a rare blood disorder, my objective was to keep life running smoothly so he could return to his life without the overwhelming burden of overdue bills and neglected obligations. “It’s hard keeping up with everything on my own.” I admitted with a smile as weak as my husband’s.

“Our life is like the Palmetto,” he said with an ironic laugh. The Palmetto is an express here in Miami, notorious for its rush hour traffic–one accident and cars back up for miles. He was right. Our life was like that–so well orchestrated that one misstep throws everything off kilter. I think a lot of people can relate.

When I was an undergraduate, most of my classes were early in the morning. I often found myself driving against the rush hour traffic crawling its way down town. I pitied the line of impatient, packed cars anxious to get to their dull desk jobs. Yet, here I am, a member of middle class suburbia, playing my part in the ebb and flow of the American economy.

Of course, I’ve been knocked off course before, my life upended by sudden tragedies that made me revaluate what is really important. Thanks to my husband’s financial brilliance, our family would weather this crisis unscathed. For my husband though, it was a bit of an epiphany. This is not the first time he had to be hospitalized for this condition. In fact this is his seventh episode. It was the first time he had a home, a family, and a career to worry about–a life that he created for himself, a life he enjoyed, he was proud of, and anxious to get back to. He discovered the importance of appreciating now, and simplifying for tomorrow.

Oh, I still do my best to avoid that mind numbing, rush hour crawl, finding alternative ways to work, live and learn, but on those rare occasions we do find ourselves stuck in traffic, we turn up the radio and sing.

Is Your Spouse Really Getting on Your Nerves?

Will you become more annoyed with your spouse over time? Comedians have been cracking jokes about their irritating spouses for years, but according to the LiveScience story featured on Yahoo’s front page, there’s actually ‘proof’ that you will become more irritated with your significant other over the course of your life time.

The article gives a number of reasons why this happens, but they leave out one very important factor—the internal narrative. The internal narrative is our perception of the world around us, how we rationalize the interconnecting relationship between events and emotions that we experience everyday.

Let’s imagine, for a moment, a woman who is punctual, organized, and maintains a consistent routine. One day, at the coffee shop, a handsome, confident man introduces himself.

Let’s also imagine that they meet in the middle of winter and the weather is cold and dreary and that the woman is a little frustrated with her stressful job. One evening, during dinner, the man smiles broadly and says, “Why don’t we go to the Bahamas? A little three day vacation; relax on the warm beach, order breakfast in bed—just you and me.”

The woman admits this sounds nice, but when? “Tomorrow,” he suggests. She’s shocked. There’s so much for her to do at work and so many travel arrangements to make. He convinces her he can handle the arrangements and that she will be much more productive when she returns, relaxed and refreshed. She throws caution to the wind and agrees.

Excited about her vacation and the prospect of spending time with such a spontaneous man, she calls her girlfriends while packing. They express their envy and admiration of the handsome suitor, and the woman feels lucky to have found such a great guy.

The woman has created an internal narration in which the man plays the hero of a romantic adventure. This idea is reinforced by her retelling of this narration to others who agree (based on the details she has provided).

When we fall in love, we abstract the good from the beginning knowledge about the other person. We focus on positive traits. We see similarities and compatibilities with our partners—or if we notice differences, we view them as complimentary. As the relationship matures, our sense of the other adjusts to the reality: along with the characteristics we admire, our beloved (alas) has some flaws. We are forced to acknowledge that there are no angels—only fallen angels. (Vaughan 2

Of course, later in the relationship, we are often annoyed by the very traits we once found so charming. After years of marriage, the handsome man’s “spontaneous” nature may be reinterpreted as immaturity or irresponsibility. Why?—because we begin to rewrite the internal narration. Surely the handsome man has always left the toilet seat up, but as time goes on it becomes a symbol of disrespect or inconsideration.

In a healthy relationship, both individuals continually realign these internal narrations through open communication. Without this process the relationship can slip into a downward spiral:

As relationships become troubled, our focus shifts again, this time to negative qualities. We redefine our partners and relate to them in terms of their objectionable traits. We see more differences than similarities—or regard the differences now as troublesome and unattractive. Out of our increasing unhappiness, we start to dwell on and even exaggerate our partner’s flaws. (Vaughan 2

Left unchecked, these negative definitions can compound until the relationship is viewed as unsaveable and we become the initiators of our own ‘uncoupling.’

Not only do initiators redefine their partners in negative terms, but they also reconstruct the history of the relationship, reordering their reminiscences into negative chronology of events. The good times are forgotten or explained away . . . [while] The bad times form the salient memories. (Vaughan 29)

Yes, the LiveScience article illustrates that most individuals will find their spouse more annoying over time, but we have to admit it is a reality we create for ourselves.

Work Cited

Vaughan, Diane. Uncoupling: Turningpoints in Intimate Relationships. Vintage Books: New York. 1990

Connecting with Patry Francis

My three-year-old daughter smells like soap and toothpaste as she crawls into bed next to me. It’s ten o’clock at night and I’ve just returned from the Intensive Care Unit where I kissed my husband goodnight on the forehead. My daughter knows daddy is sick, but in her mind he’s suffering from the flu.

It’s not the flu, though. It’s a rare but reoccurring blood disease. So rare, in fact, it has yet to be diagnosed.

In 1982, his father walked for miles—from an apartment in Havanah to the church of Saint Lazaro in the Cuban countryside. He went there to pray for his two-year-old son, who was dying from a mysterious blood disease. He would make the trip again two years later, when my husband was only four, and again at six. During each episode, doctors would begin a barrage of tests, ruling out one disease after another. Every member of the extended family went in for genetic testing. Still, his condition remained unexplained

This is his sixth stay in the hospital. His symptoms are not as severe as when he was a child, but his condition is still critical. But through it all, we are grateful. This rare blood condition is very similar to so many others, other diseases that are fatal, diseases that create lethal toxins and destroy organs. Yet, my husband continues to recover.

He also hopes doctors will be able to discover something new during this episode, something that may help others with the same condition. Perhaps they can learn something about how his body manages to self correct, why this disease goes into complete remission. Perhaps it could lead to a cure for similar diseases that are fatal.

Facing mortality can be frightening, but it can also be liberating. It reminds you what’s truly important. You also learn the importance of community, as you are forced to rely on others for help. It is in this spirit that I send out my prayers to a fellow writer Patry Francis. Patry Francis is the author of Liar’s Diary, a colorful murder mystery that has filled in the drab hours of waiting in uncomfortable hospital chairs. Patry is facing her own medical ordeal right now, diagnosed with an aggressive cancer just a few weeks before Liar’s Diary was due for its paper back release. In her blog Simply Wait, there is a glimmer of the awe and insight that mortal awareness brings. I hope her recovery is successful, and in the spirit of community I extend my support, for her health and her creative vision.

I will continue to carry my copy of Liar’s Diary with me, and as soon as I finish it, I will post again with a detailed review. But now I must get some sleep, an hour has slipped by since I started this post and my snuggly bundle of soap scented love has just fallen into a deep sleep.